learn to fucking DRIVE !!!

posted by sombrehippie in snarkyvancouver:


Dear Pedestrians of Vancouver,

DO NOT JAYWALK. And if you do, don't fucking finger me for almost hitting you when I don't see you in time, and you don't bother to change your slow-ass pace in order to avoid being hit, you dumb fuck. Darwin had a name for people like you: Dead meat.


Dear Drivers of Vancouver,

In addition to the above mentioned requests, I would like to add in a couple of my own.

USE YOUR DAMNED TURN SIGNALS. What the hell do you think they're there for? When you slam on your brakes randomly in traffic, without signalling, you're likely to get a car rammed up your ass.

Secondly, TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS. At night, this should be obvious. NOBODY CAN SEE YOU. And no, that person behind you flashing their lights at you every few minutes isn't just a retard they let out for an evening drive, no, their car is not just broken, and no, they're not just trying to be a cunt. They're trying to tell you something. They're trying to tell you that YOU'S GONNA DIE if you don't do something about it.

During the daytime, headlights are equally important. Running lights are usually not enough. If it's cloudy, 90% of you drive grey or black cars, and blend in very nicely with the grey or black roadways. In the rain, everybody blends with everything. In the sun, you're darker than the blinding ball of fire in the sky, and if you don't send out your own blinding beams of light, you cease to exist.

Also, if you're going to drive slower than, or at the exact speed of the people in the slow lane, you should not be in the fast lane. Move the hell over, retard. There are other people around you who don't want to drive 70 in a 90 zone, or 40 in a 50.

Finally, pay some fucking attention to something other than your passengers, whoever you're talking to on that goddamned cell phone, or the cock up your ass.

kthxbye.