learn to fucking DRIVE !!!

posted by sombrehippie in snarkyvancouver:


Dear Pedestrians of Vancouver,

DO NOT JAYWALK. And if you do, don't fucking finger me for almost hitting you when I don't see you in time, and you don't bother to change your slow-ass pace in order to avoid being hit, you dumb fuck. Darwin had a name for people like you: Dead meat.


Dear Drivers of Vancouver,

In addition to the above mentioned requests, I would like to add in a couple of my own.

USE YOUR DAMNED TURN SIGNALS. What the hell do you think they're there for? When you slam on your brakes randomly in traffic, without signalling, you're likely to get a car rammed up your ass.

Secondly, TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS. At night, this should be obvious. NOBODY CAN SEE YOU. And no, that person behind you flashing their lights at you every few minutes isn't just a retard they let out for an evening drive, no, their car is not just broken, and no, they're not just trying to be a cunt. They're trying to tell you something. They're trying to tell you that YOU'S GONNA DIE if you don't do something about it.

During the daytime, headlights are equally important. Running lights are usually not enough. If it's cloudy, 90% of you drive grey or black cars, and blend in very nicely with the grey or black roadways. In the rain, everybody blends with everything. In the sun, you're darker than the blinding ball of fire in the sky, and if you don't send out your own blinding beams of light, you cease to exist.

Also, if you're going to drive slower than, or at the exact speed of the people in the slow lane, you should not be in the fast lane. Move the hell over, retard. There are other people around you who don't want to drive 70 in a 90 zone, or 40 in a 50.

Finally, pay some fucking attention to something other than your passengers, whoever you're talking to on that goddamned cell phone, or the cock up your ass.

kthxbye.

FYI: Tips to Surviving the Flu of the Apocalypse

Tips to Surviving the Flu of the Apocalypse:

for the first 12 hours:
- water
- set up a sleeping pallet on the bathroom floor. I'm not kidding.

for the next 12 hours:
- watered down apple juice
- whole wheat (Breton) crackers
- disgusting amounts of sleep/bedrest

the 24 hours after that:
- you can sneak in some ginger ale now
- you can add cheese to the crackers
- you should be able to keep down soup broth
- you can now live on the couch with blankets and the tv running

the next 2 days:
- bland foods that are gentle on your tummy (no spicy!)

How Bad is Your Boss?

I was watching Venture on CBC last night, and they were doing an expose on Bad Bosses.  This is a list/questionnaire of the 7 Deadly Boss Sins:

1.  Does your boss embarrass you in public or criticize you infront of others?

2.  Does your boss have a tough time making or sticking to decisions s/he has made?

3.  Does your boss take you for granted?

4.  Does your boss hog the limelight when things go well and/or blame you when things go wrong?

5.  Does your boss argue about everything?

6.  Is your boss unclear about what s/he expects of you?

7.  Does your boss pile on the work or have an unrealistic expectation of the workload s/he dumps on you?


If you answered "yes" to

1-2 of the above 7 questions:  your boss may stress you out at times, but they're normal

3-6 of the above 7 questions:  you have a Bad Boss - confront them (carefully) and/or consider quitting

all 7 of the above 7 questions:    Boss From Hell - run the fuck away!

Hi. I'm a Mac.  And I'm a PC.

PARODY 1

PARODY 2

PARODY 3

PARODY 4

and now with Batman!

Batman part 2

PARODY 7

Villains Edition

X-MEN

but the After Hours ones are to die for!!!

After Hours 1

After Hours 2

After Hours 3

After Hours 4

After Hours 5

After Hours 6 part 1

After Hours 6 part 2

After Hours 7 part 1

After Hours 7 part 2

Fantastic Four quickie  (unrelated to the above)

Goblin Bloggin'

Goblin Blogs Again

Batgirl meme on LiveJournal

http://himynameisjamie.livejournal.com/345568.html

OMG!  this was addicting!  I think it's up around 1,000 now.

Here's a short(er) list of the ones I liked:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/shpout/13148.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lelenia/14558.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/envertigo/2283.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jrw/14341.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/divalea/277585.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/steverolston/22256.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/fuelinjected/10722.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/mao/203306.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ian_j/63648.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/flamingwingnut/102764.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jodycody/16090.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/chrispiers/189429.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/uminomamori/217446.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wtf/415118.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/darkkof/87813.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/taniadelrio/12970.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/bangalores/13754.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/boomshackaboom/10842.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/leilamycro/2521.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/spacecaptsteve/197967.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/januarychill/285630.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/codename_windy/245390.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/chainsawkarate/188047.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wumpusbait/18141.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/frogdance/138596.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/johnythunderz/31688.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/skyediver/82731.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/100kilopascals/23511.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/sporecloud/16391.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/p_x_l/12623.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/puppy52/719412.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/gymnopedie/297303.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vagrantkid/90960.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/bettinamarie/9636.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/berserkermodi/183824.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/arti_absinthium/467145.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/matthew_sun/110557.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/doctorobnoxious/664079.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/kyohazard/50211.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/madrigallia/14639.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/kluna66502/22301.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/newbabel/316204.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wishdragon/326437.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/violetice/186870.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/allcuishpa/227219.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/killerseamonkey/931.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/__renascent/32313.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/mrl24/71680.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/shored/18302.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/teitha_noriel/48075.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/teitha_noriel/48284.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/riotlounge/1006629.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/pceflwrgrl/197655.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/tarq/272811.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/candiedviolets/90069.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wogs/617454.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/miss_muffinfuck/229301.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/pyawakit/339.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/sukeban/165147.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/freakflipmonkey/44766.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/belvane/323193.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/holeinthedonut/525098.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/barbituratecat/55546.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/kaeze/8600.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/zorilita/12353.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/shutterbox/24368.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/pablowapsi/38630.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/funkywufeithang/305236.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/nebriniel/30949.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/autumnravynne/51242.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/aimo/84183.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/macky_chan/307728.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/staedtler/217980.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/menkui/14222.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/~zeroplug/27222.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/rajrr/28429.html

history bites

30 March 2006

Back in the 17th Century, in the time of the "cavaliers", there was a particular practice in place.  These cavaliers, always dressed to the 9s in the finest clothes, would visit shops and tailors and have clothes made for them, but did not pay in cash.  They appeared to be rich and therefore more than capable of paying for the clothes they were buying and having made, so the merchants and tailors accepted "credit".  (recently illustrated in a scene of "The Libertine")

In actuality, the cavaliers were BROKE as all hell, but since they appeared to have money, they were treated as if they had money and were given credit.

Apparently I was a well-dressed Suit today, as my bank/debit card wasn't working at the japanese restaurant on the corner and they insisted I simply pay the next time I visited them! 

400 years later, and I'm the walking anachronism. 
No, I'm not suffering withdrawal from the SCA...

middle eastern garb

I think I'm gearing up for Clinton this year...  I was online for hours last night researching 16th century Turkish costume.

Links for those interested:

gomlek/entari/kaftan pattern

fabrics used

source documentation

more examples of kaftans from history

a local's website showing her own garb

I have more links, but they're bookmarked on my computer at home, and I'm currently posting from work.  I'll have to edit this post later to add those ones.

Ottoman clothing

from The Costumer's Manifesto

Oryantal Dansi at Yahoo!Groups

Basically, it's pj bottoms, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and layers of bathrobes.  period LOUNGEWEAR!!!  w00t!

I haven't played regularly in about 4 years, but every once in a while I think I'd like to cruise by an event and visit with friends and whatnot.  So I would go to my Tickle Trunk and root around for something to wear, and I'd end up in garb that no longer fits (I must have gained 20 lbs in the past 4 years) or just plain doesn't look good on me or feel comfortable enough to spend 18+ hours in.  So I'd get all cranky and disappointed and just not go. 

And if I were to make new garb now, you know I'd be the costume-nazi who would obsess over getting it absolutely authentic in the first place.  Hence the online research. 

I haven't planned to attend an SCA event in years, I just end up deciding at the last minute to daytrip, but after spending a few hours getting garbed and packed up and travel out to the site, it's just too much damn work.  I don't think I'd be as deterred by the idea if I could just reach into my trunk, grab some co-ordinating layers, and be out the door in minutes.

So I'll be cruising by the Indian fabric stores next time I'm in Abby to get a bolt of white lightweight (turban-weight) cotton to make a few gomleks to get started...

golddigger filk

originally posted by dbmyrrha in dot_pagan_snark:


GoldWicca

[Intro]
He take my money, but he got needs
Yeah he's a triflin’ pagan sleaze
Oh he’s a gold digger on IRC
That digs on me

[Chorus:]
(can you feel me, Kali Ma)
Now I ain't sayin you a gold-digger, (y'all got needs)
You wanna get some tail, (can't forget the Rede)
Wanna send the kids to school,( so y'all can't leave)
The bitch ain't goin poly, (better find some sleaze...)

get down girl it’s just sex get down (I got needs)
get down girl gimme head get down (I got needs)
get down girl it’s just sex get down (I got needs)
get down girl go head

[Verse 1:]
"B" is the man
Livin’ out the backa his van
Then got a rich girl to take him on
And his daughter and son
She said "I can tell you rock"
He turned on the charm
Said he’d give up his whole flock
I can tell he used charm took her arm
said "you gonna be the one"
But then he seen her
His psychic soul mate comin across on the screen-a.
Finer than the Sheila who pays for his kids
An' he gotta jump up on that ass, and get his
Ok he’s got kids and gotta pay for their school
His girlfriend’s a fool, she thinks he’s her man
We all want to screw but then don’t want to pay
If you believe in “Harm None” don’t try to get laid
You know why
It’s just too sleazy, play “please me”:
And use the Rede to say “The godz will exqueeze me”
The Wiccans say its just another fluffy-ass reason.

U dont care what none of us say , "it aint Fluffy!"

[Chorus:]
(can you feel me, Kali Ma)
Now I ain't sayin you a gold-digger, (y'all got needs)
You aint gonna be no broke Wiccan, (jus' forget the Rede)
No, I ain't sayin you a gold-digger,( but y'all can't leave)
You ain't gonna be no broke Wiccan, (better find some sleaze...)

get down girl it’s just sex get down (I got needs)
get down girl gimme head get down (I got needs)
get down girl it’s just sex get down (I got needs)
get down girl go head


[Verse 2:]
14 years, 14 years
She gonna pay fo yo kids you stuck for 14 years
I know you’s gone monogamous for one of yo kids
Your son’s list of bootycalls is longer than yours
See you searchin’ online Any Given Sunday
Get a pagan girl to suck you off in your Hyundai
You was spose to buy ya girl a ring with her money
You went to the strip club got a dance with her money
You walkin around actin’ like a ho with her money
Shoulda left that dumb girl, been po’ with no moneeey( your money)
If you aint no punk holla I Went POLY
I WENT POLY!, Yeaah
It's something that you need to have
Cause when she leave yo ass you gonna be stone broke
14 years, 14 years
And on the day you’re free you just can’t get it up.

[Chorus:](can you feel me, Kali Ma)
Now I ain't sayin you a gold-digger, (y'all got needs)
You aint gonna be no broke Wiccan, (jus' forget the Rede)
No, I ain't sayin you a gold-digger,( but y'all can't leave)
You ain't gonna be no broke Wiccan, (better find some sleaze...)

get down girl it’s just sex get down (I got needs)
get down girl gimme head get down (I got needs)
get down girl it’s just sex get down (I got needs)
get down girl go head


[Verse 3:]
Now I aint sayin you a gold digger you got needs
Y'all wanna be a Wiccan but can't do the Rede
Send the kids to school but you can't pay, y’all cant leave
Gotta make his woman happy, he gotta give up the skeeze
But all yall postin’, watch him
He gonna get some in the back of her Datsun
He got that horny asshat look in his eyes
This week he chattin’ Wiccans next week it's Bahai’s
So, get offa his side
This loser’s ballin and that’s not right
And he gone keep callin and tryin
But you sit tight, girl
Cause when she find out she’ll have his balls in a vice, girl

get down girl it’s just sex get down (I got needs)
get down girl gimme head get down (I got needs)
get down girl it’s just sex get down (I got needs)
get down girl go head
[he take her money]
Let me here that back