Disclaimer: If you are ever going to deal with me (especially in a relationship capacity), these are the simple truths of who I am and what I'm about that you need to know and understand.
1. I am poly. No one person will ever be enough to meet all of my needs. I can absolutely love steak, and prefer to eat steak all the time whenever I have a choice, however, not all my body’s needs are met by what steak alone has to offer; I also need what can be found only in fish, and only in chicken, and so on. It is not steak’s fault it doesn’t also provide what can be found in fish and chicken; steak is a wonderful thing all on its own and I can love it for itself and all it has to offer. But I also recognize that I do inevitably have to get other things from other foods besides steak. (And, to a lesser extent, I need variety so I don’t get bored. I can better appreciate the taste of steak when I’ve had the monotony of it broken up by other foods.)
2. I need the freedom to choose for myself whether or not to become involved with people. I can not stand being restricted to monogamy by a partner. If this is the case, I begin to resent said partner for controlling me and my decisions in my own life, and the resentment turns bitter and even hateful and I find I want to cheat as a means of rebelling against him and breaking the stranglehold I feel he has on me.
3. I am an incorrigible flirt. A lot of the time it is simply a means to compliment people and boost their self-esteem. In a world where there is so much negative feedback, I think people need more positive reinforcement. I do not consider my flirting as a means to get laid, and I think people put far too much emphasis on it as such.
4. I am bisexual. I am gender-blind in that I find people attractive or just plain sexy, regardless of whether they happen to be male or female. However, girls are still different from guys, and I have different needs of mine met by girls than I do by guys.
5. I don’t “do” girls just because they’re bi or female or willing to engage in threesomes. (Just cuz you’re a straight guy doesn’t mean you’ll fuck EVERYthing in a skirt.) Just because some guy finds 2 or more women attractive and wants to have them at the same time, doesn’t mean that the women he finds attractive will find eachother attractive. This is where I get all pissy thinking guys have been brought up to believe the bullshit fantasies in the male-dominated porn industry where, in actuality, it isn’t a fair threesome dynamic that is being enjoyed but multiple women catering to the man’s fantasies. Men in general just don’t seem capable of wrapping their brains around the fact that the women involved in the threesome are actually quite interested in the other woman and being with the other woman, and that they are both in the threesome for the purposes of being in an equal give and take multiple-partner orgy situation. If you want to indulge your fantasies of having multiple women worship you, then go rent some hookers.
6. I am fiercely independent and need my space. I like to come and go as I please, not having to “check in” with anyone, telling them where I’m going, with whom, when I’ll be back, etc. etc. I hate being chased after, hunted down, and forced to account for my absences and detail who I spent my time with. I can not stand having to explain my need for space, or to have to justify that I do, in fact, have such a need in the first place. I wasn’t an only child, but there is a significant age difference between myself and the remainder of my siblings (both of which are very close in age and therefore raised similar to twins), and whenever we did things as a family each parent would pair off with one of my brothers and I was always “odd man out” and had to keep myself company. As a result, I’ve become quite comfortable being alone and spending time with just myself. People must trust that my space is just me spending time with me, and should in no way be seen as a threat to any relationship with them.
7. Trust is big. If there is no trust in a relationship, then there is no relationship to speak of. I tend to give trust to my friends, right from Day One, until such time as they betray it. Once betrayed, however, it is nearly impossible to regain my trust. I understand other people only give trust to others after it’s been earned. My loyalty to my friends is fierce and, once I’ve proven I’ve earned my friends’ trust, I am deeply insulted when either their trust is still not given or my own loyalty to them is doubted.
8. Double-standards are unacceptable. It is not okay for a guy to demand behaviour from me that he himself refuses to adhere to or, alternatively, it is not okay for a guy to prohibit me from being angered by his behaviour when, had the roles been reversed, he would be just as insanely angry. If he wants to be poly and/or flirt with every woman he sees and soak up their attention, that’s fine, but he’d bloody well better not expect me to stay home alone and pine away for him to return to me. I’m going to be just as much out there flirting and schmoozing, as he is, and he has absolutely no right to bitch and whine about it. If he doesn’t like how that feels when he’s on the receiving end of it, then he’d better not expect me to put up with that crap from him.
9. Communication. No shit. As psychic as I may be, it’s not my job to read your mind and know my way around your neuroses and tiptoe around the eggshells. If you’re uncomfortable with something, SPEAK UP or I won’t know. People need to communicate clearly, honestly, freely (none of this fishing out what people “really” feel, no one has time or patience for that mind-fuck, so just out with it already). I am sick of being held accountable for other people’s hurt and upset feelings when they hide the fact, in the first place, that they were upset. Don’t bitch at me for disrespecting your boundaries when you never communicated in the first place that you even HAD such boundaries. Own your shit. I demand people be 100% honest with me, and as such I take them at face value. Don’t misrepresent your wants and needs and feelings, expecting me to see through your pathetic deceptions as a means of crying out for attention. And don’t you dare blame me when I don’t see through your bullshit and read your messed up mind. Honestly communicate what you feel and think and want and need, and you’re more likely to garner more favorable results.
10. Manipulating people through guilt-trips, “crocodile tears” and self-imposed martyrdom is bullshit. Deal honestly with me, or don’t deal with me at all. Do not manipulate me to get your way, you are not a spoiled only child and it’s not gradeschool anymore. This is the real adult world; act like one or get your ass back in the sandbox.
Consider yourself warned...
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